Being a single mother has put an enormous amount of stress on me, so I certainly cannot be the voice of reason or tell you how to manage your particular stress. Experts maybe, like theorists who study stressors and how they affect people, or just some good self help books - but not me. What I can tell you is what I was like in the early days of being a single mom and what I'm like now. Like anything else, I inevitably learned, but before that, I was tired and fatigued, mentally and physically, from the 100+ things my mind would remind me I needed to do. There was always a hand on my back pushing me to keep going. But then one quiet night around 10pm while Aziza was asleep, I had the worst anxiety attack I thought possible. I truly believed I was about to die, and more, it felt like I was having a stroke. Time was fast moving around the room but I stayed in slow motion. There was a confusing static feeling in my head, like my brain was shorting out. It was very scary. I had had anxiety attacks before but never to this extent. I would usually calm myself by running warm water on my hands, and if that didn't work, I'd have to take a hot shower. The water and the temperature would eventually calm whatever frenzy was taking over my body. Sometimes though, it could take up to 45 minutes before I was okay again. Every minute moving so slowly internally, while the room around me felt out of control. It's a confusing and terrifying experience, especially when you are alone.
After that I decided I needed to bring in some help. I went to the doctor and needless to say, I have been on long-term anxiety medicine for almost six years now. Now I can go to sleep with a few dishes in the sink, I can do one chore at a time instead of running around the house trying to work twice as hard to hurry up and get it all done. There was a lot to do. Aziza was a busy girl, I worked full-time, I went back to school - twice, the car always needed something, the apartment needed to be cleaned constantly, and there was grocery shopping, laundry, and the list goes on. I'm a driven person, I've always known that but I needed to learn how to pace myself. More importantly, I needed to tell myself it's okay if I don't get this done today - there's still tomorrow.
Eventually, I learned how to get things accomplished because I stopped worrying how I would get it done. I needed to stop putting such unrealistic expectations on myself, live for what can be done now, and let the rest come later. I learned to stop worrying about all the things that were coming, all the things I'd need to do and the places I'd need to go, and instead I began to let it go and deal with it when the time arrived. There's one thing I have to say about being able to manage stress - and I say manage because it will always be there - but there is nothing more freeing in your life than allowing yourself to be human, to be imperfect, to allow yourself another day. Stress, if not handled correctly, will take time off your life, cause aches and pains, and possibly more serious health complications that you may try to treat in other ways, but when you realize you are severely stressed, the best remedy is to become a better person for yourself and to yourself. Take each day as it comes, and do the best you can with that day. You'll be glad you did - I am!
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