I cannot stress enough what an emotional and trying experience it is finding someone to watch your child all day, especially when you are totally reluctant to do it in the first place. When Aziza was very little, I struggled with leaving her with anyone, and most daycare providers worked out of their homes and had these ridiculous contracts about what days off they would be taking. According to them, it was to secure our place in their daycare, They would have these specific days off but I would still need to pay for the day. I assumed they were reputable, being certified by the State. Every county has a Daycare Unit that can provide a complete listing of daycare providers in your area that have all met state requirements. There are even websites you can visit to see if they have any current violations per the last inspection or from possible reporting. I wish I had learned about this sooner. Needless to say, Aziza had been with about 10-12 different home daycare providers. I'd discover in a short time that she wasn't being cared for properly, the house wasn't kept clean, or the home was in chaos with older kids when I picked her up. There were times she was just being ignored.
One specific time stands out with a provider whom I was already a little leery. I had just gotten a new job through an employment agency and had to start immediately, so I needed to find someone quickly. She was a quiet person, somewhat chilly personality - not seeming very child-friendly - but her house looked clean and she did not watch a lot of kids. One day about a week into my new job, I went home early because I wasn't feeling well and didn't tell her I was picking Aziza up early. I walked in the front door and it was totally quiet except for the sound of Aziza crying. I turned into the living room and there was Aziza sitting on the floor crying, while she was sitting on the couch looking through papers and such, COMPLETELY ignoring crying Aziza on the floor. I wanted to die. She tried to say it just started but of course she would say that. I scooped Aziza up and never went back there again. I reported her and last I had heard (back then), she lost her license because she was working on a home business while taking money to watch children. What's really scary is a lot of people - but of course not all - do it merely for the money. I guess that's fair to a certain extent, wanting to make a living, so long as they're doing it from a genuine want to care for children.
Once we moved to Broome County, I never used home daycare again. It was only daycare centers and I did my research with all of them. Unfortunately, some things can't be detected. There was one woman at the ChildTime Day Care Center in Johnson City, NY, which has been closed for years now, told me she thought Aziza - when she was two years old - was autistic because she didn't want to sit in circle time and she'd go off and play by herself. She continued her assessment by saying that Aziza was completely ignoring her. Even at such a young age, Aziza was fairly keen and finicky with who she would talk to. If she didn't like you, she would ignore you, and she hasn't changed! lol I had Aziza examined by her pediatrician and no signs of autism were found. The doctor even laughed at the implication. I of course did not laugh. Needless to say, the woman was fired shortly thereafter.
I've got one more. You ready? There was a daycare center that I absolutely loved. Aziza went there from age 3-4. The staff was amazing, fun, the center was clean with many toys and activities, and they had adorable little cubbies for the kids to put their things away. I loved it. I still cried every day when I left her there but yeah, that comes with it too. Anyway, this one lovely day care provider that Aziza adored and I trusted, decided to give Aziza a hot dog when she KNEW Aziza was vegetarian (Aziza was vegetarian until she was old enough to decide for herself). This woman knew but she said to me, "I just wanted to see if she would like it." I was like, you have got to be kidding me! Who does that? And she continued with, "I thought maybe she would want one because all the other kids were having hot dogs for lunch." She didn't ask me, she just took it upon herself. Granted, it wasn't life threatening but she's my child and she was vegetarian for a reason. Not even a call. She just assumed I'd never find out but Aziza told me! Of course, that ruined any trust or good feelings I had about this daycare center.
I have nothing but compassion for you if you are someone that must find childcare. It's an arduous experience, one that you must oversee all the time. There are instances when you are fortunate enough to have close friends or family that can watch your children, and if that's you, consider yourself very lucky!
I don't want to end with an entirely bleak perspective on daycare centers. The very last center Aziza attended before she went into kindergarten was a blessing. It's called Future Faces, located in Endwell, NY. I never had a complaint or worry, and Aziza would be beaming with stories from her day when I picked her up.
So, it wasn't always bad, but that time before you discover there is a serious problem with your childcare provider can be very stressful. Do your homework, keep an eye on what the home looks like, the other kids in the daycare, and most of all, seek feedback from your child. I have to say, those few first days you leave your child somewhere new, not knowing what's happening while you're at work, is a part of being a single parent I'm glad is over. However, if you can find a center that has video cameras that allow you to log in and see how your child is doing - that will definitely allay some of your anxiety. :)
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