This subject should really have a blog all to itself. I could write story after horrible story of trying to date while being a single mother. It's near impossible to do without paying for a sitter or having grandma to watch your child while you go out. And it was always the ones I didn't want to go out with a second time that would offer to pay for the sitter. But also because I was the dutiful, proud, I can do it all on my own single mother, I would never accept that. I figured I was the one essentially who got us into this fix, I'd be the one to get us through it, even if that meant no social life for me.
When Aziza's father, Mostapha, left that August 2002, it was because I asked him to. Granted, I never asked him to secretly leave the country! And because he had not gotten his citizenship yet, he's still unable to come here without my help. Anyway, I don't want to get off topic. I guess you could say I felt guilty for not allowing Aziza to have a father, so in exchange for that, I didn't really deserve to have a relationship of my own. Yeah, I put myself on a guilt trip for a while. There wasn't a thing Aziza asked for that she didn't get - if I could buy it for her. I kept trying to fill the void.
Anyway, so I went through a lot of blind dates I had met through this telephone dating service. You recorded a voice message about yourself and then men would respond with a message, leaving their number and you can guess the rest. I would meet them at the park where Aziza played, really just to see what they looked like and who they were. Always public places and if I knew it was bad, I'd say, "My daughter wants to go home, I really should get going?" I tried this for a while until I met this guy named Kevin. This person changed my life, made me go into dating hibernation for a few years. I'll tell you about Kevin. Like I said, I could devote a whole blog just to dating, giving you the ins and outs of my worst encounters and how men really are sexual predators at times. Of course not all. The other population of men are at home being decent husbands and fathers, not out looking for sex - well, you hope anyway!
Back to Kevin. Now Kevin wasn't a sexual predator but he was a con man, and pretty good at it, especially since I was vulnerable and it never occurred to me that some creep would really do something like this. Anyway, we met on the phone dating service, and we talked quite a bit before meeting. He was sweet and charming, and and after he e-mailed me pics of himself, I was almost hooked. I let him come to my apartment when Aziza was at a friend's house. He drove one of those huge pick-up trucks, brand new, emerald green. He was dressed maybe how a teenager would, with the hoodie and jeans but he was completely disarming, not to mention enormous. He was about 6' 4" and looked like a linebacker. But he was like a big, soft teddy-bear. Gentle and very tender. I was hooked. After our first "date" I received a bouquet of roses at work from him. Again, floored by the gesture and even more attached to his line now. We had a few dates and he was always the same. I let him meet Aziza and he was very kid-friendly as he had a daughter of his own. At one point though, his truck seemed to disappear, like it was in the shop or something, so he always got a ride to my apartment. Regardless, he said he had a very good job, and I thought maybe this could be something, until...
Right around Christmastime, we had been seeing each other a month, he came over one Friday night and we were going to get dinner. He was dropped off at my apartment by a co-worker. He said he borrowed money from a friend earlier that day and wanted to pay him back before the weekend. I could tell he had had a couple of beers before he stopped over and he laughed that I knew right away. He said his friend was going to stop by to pick up the money he owes him, but that he would need to go to the ATM to get money. It had started snowing pretty heavy and he said, how about I take your car around the block to the ATM. I'll be right back. I was very skeptical and fighting my insides on this one. I knew he'd had a few beers and I didn't want to give him my car. Everything in me said not to but then he said, "What, you don't trust me? Is this going to be that thing that puts that out there?" I was like wow, now what? I let him take it. The gas station was around the corner. I said, "Okay, come right back and then we'll order some dinner." He never came back. I called and called his cell phone but no answer. About two hours later, two police officers came to my house and told me my car was sitting up against the divider on kamikaze curve (those that live near me, know what that is), The car was totaled, and I was devastated.
Things did not get better once he re-appeared from out of the smoke. He said he'd buy me another car, but he never did. I found one myself, and after he never showed up to bring me the money to buy the car, I had just enough money in my savings account to buy the car. Kevin didn't disappear though. He kept calling me when he was drunk to say how sorry he was. He finally went to rehab and would call me from there to tell me we would start over when he got back, but there was no chance of that.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that men suck, haha. No I'm just kidding. But they can, and they will take advantage of a woman, lie to them, take their money, and anything else they think they can get away with. One day maybe I'll share a few more of my dating nightmares but for now, truth be told, I'm done dating. There is nothing wrong with eating a veggie burger for dinner, or a tuna sandwich. I'm the easiest person to live with and I'm housebroken too! ;)
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