Well, if you live in the Northeast like I do and you haven't looked out your window yet, do so. There it is, the first snow of the season - and it's not even winter yet. I had heard some projections about this being one of the coldest and snowiest winters we've seen in years but honestly, I don't know if I'm ready for this. I look out my bedroom window right now and there is heavy snow still laying on branches but only a matter of time before the gusty winds out there blow it into the air, scattered with the continued falling snow.
Now on days like these, you are either like me - forming images of cleaning the car off in the morning, having not yet factored that extra time needed into my routine, arriving late for work - or you are looking out your window smiling at the lovely snow. Those people are truly still dreamers, indulging their inner child. Snow is not fun for adults - period. There's shoveling, salting, traffic, cars sliding on the road because they think they know how to drive in the snow, and there's those endearing times when it all freezes and turns to ice.
I'm not completely without whimsy. I can see how pretty it looks when snow falls on tree branches, the wind is still, and when you walk outside you can almost hear snow landing on snow. It's quite magical for those first few moments until you realize there is about six inches piled on top of your car. If you have a garage, then by all means, love every minute of this falling bliss. If you have a snow blower, indulge away.
And the task of weekly grocery shopping becomes a battle against the elements. Heading into the store covered in snow because my trek from the parking lot was just that as everyone is at the store, paranoid that they will run out of bread or milk. I can see the lines right now, especially the weekend before Thanksgiving. I must be out of my mind entertaining the idea of shopping today. But of course yesterday, when it was near 70 degrees, I paid little attention to the weather and said to myself, "Let me get these school papers and loads of laundry done, I can shop tomorrow." As the flakes grow larger out my window, I am thinking how one would actually kick themselves in the ass.
Sunday, November 20, 2016
Friday, November 11, 2016
It really is the little things
Of course we all know this past week was either triumphant for you or devastating. I'm unfortunately in the latter group, but there is always something that shows itself when things seem at their worst. I honestly believe God works that way, but you have to be willing to see the small wonders that make the big horrible things not seem like the world is coming to an end. And the gravity of this election made us truly go to that place in our minds and our hearts.
So Wednesday morning was a complete disaster. I began with devastated - as I mentioned - then I went to despondent, then anger began to set in. Worst stage and it lasts the longest. However, there is a fourth stage - humor. If I can't seriously embrace the next president - which I am quite sure will require magical feats in order for that to happen - I can at least revel in the fact that he is completely ridiculous and so will be his suspected entourage. I can watch late night comedy and the famed SNL to keep abreast of the ongoing mockery that I expect to be moving in indefinitely. And oh, I do love to laugh. Political satire is my most favorite. So you see, I'm smiling already.
And of course in talking with Aziza that Wednesday she was in school texting me to say that kids were going crazy in the halls, screaming Trump's name. I said to her, "Just ignore it." That's my usual go-to anyway. When it doubt, tune it out! And she said, how can they be so stupid? I said, "Well, be glad at least that you know you would not have voted for Donald Trump if you were able to vote. And she said to me... "And that's because you raised me to be a good human." I was flooded with this acceptance and appreciation from my daughter she had never confided in me before. Right there in a simple text she told me I had done a good job, and she was a good person because of me. I just said, "And that's all you can do."
Acceptance is not always an easy concept for many, and it often requires a lifetime of lessons to get you to the point where you can say, "Okay, this is the way it is, I will go on as I have and deal with it the best way I can." I grew up watching my mother absolutely defy anything she did not like, approve of, or did not go her way. To this day, I swear I can still hear her stamping her feet in defiance. However, today she is probably reveling in the fact that Trump won, and not because she has any real political views of her own - hasn't voted in over 20 years - or because she thought he was the better candidate, she is most likely enjoying the fact that him being elected would have really hurt me. She loves to see me miserable and wrong, with her being the victor so she can say, 'I told you so." Or more politically correct, "I don't want to tell you I told you so but... " I know we can't pick our family, but we can surely stop taking their calls!
On a lighter note, and there is always a bright sky just beyond the storm, I know now that I am the loudest voice my daughter hears. Wanting to give her the wisdom and tools to make the most of her life, when so much of that was never given to me (had to learn my wisdom the very hard way), I am certain that the future, no matter who our president is or what the world sometimes will dictate, she has a mind of her own and will follow her own path, never anyone else's.
So Wednesday morning was a complete disaster. I began with devastated - as I mentioned - then I went to despondent, then anger began to set in. Worst stage and it lasts the longest. However, there is a fourth stage - humor. If I can't seriously embrace the next president - which I am quite sure will require magical feats in order for that to happen - I can at least revel in the fact that he is completely ridiculous and so will be his suspected entourage. I can watch late night comedy and the famed SNL to keep abreast of the ongoing mockery that I expect to be moving in indefinitely. And oh, I do love to laugh. Political satire is my most favorite. So you see, I'm smiling already.
And of course in talking with Aziza that Wednesday she was in school texting me to say that kids were going crazy in the halls, screaming Trump's name. I said to her, "Just ignore it." That's my usual go-to anyway. When it doubt, tune it out! And she said, how can they be so stupid? I said, "Well, be glad at least that you know you would not have voted for Donald Trump if you were able to vote. And she said to me... "And that's because you raised me to be a good human." I was flooded with this acceptance and appreciation from my daughter she had never confided in me before. Right there in a simple text she told me I had done a good job, and she was a good person because of me. I just said, "And that's all you can do."
Acceptance is not always an easy concept for many, and it often requires a lifetime of lessons to get you to the point where you can say, "Okay, this is the way it is, I will go on as I have and deal with it the best way I can." I grew up watching my mother absolutely defy anything she did not like, approve of, or did not go her way. To this day, I swear I can still hear her stamping her feet in defiance. However, today she is probably reveling in the fact that Trump won, and not because she has any real political views of her own - hasn't voted in over 20 years - or because she thought he was the better candidate, she is most likely enjoying the fact that him being elected would have really hurt me. She loves to see me miserable and wrong, with her being the victor so she can say, 'I told you so." Or more politically correct, "I don't want to tell you I told you so but... " I know we can't pick our family, but we can surely stop taking their calls!
On a lighter note, and there is always a bright sky just beyond the storm, I know now that I am the loudest voice my daughter hears. Wanting to give her the wisdom and tools to make the most of her life, when so much of that was never given to me (had to learn my wisdom the very hard way), I am certain that the future, no matter who our president is or what the world sometimes will dictate, she has a mind of her own and will follow her own path, never anyone else's.
Saturday, November 5, 2016
Piano Lessons
So the new department at work is going well. It's a difference of more complex cases I worked on in Medicaid with less volume versus easy one-status cases but with enormous volume. I'm literally leaving work exhausted. The last two days I ate a protein bar for dinner and my favorite holiday pumpkin spice coffee from McDonald's. If you haven't tried it, do it! It's sweeter than Dunkin's pumpkin coffee but tastes so much better. Anyway, so I've been just dead tired when I get home, welcoming the cats wanting to sit on my lap, just so I can spend some time vegging in the chair. Wednesday I came home after work, Aziza was sleeping in her room - she takes naps after school sometimes - and after relaxing, I busied myself with some cleaning and some school assignments I had to work on. About 7-7:30 I hear Aziza awake in her room talking to a friend. I hadn't checked my phone since I got home - a new thing I've been doing lately, just not caring for the time being - and I don't know what it was that triggered it, but as I passed by Aziza's electric piano, I thought OMG, WE TOTALLY FORGOT TO GO TO HER LESSON AT 6;15! I run into her room and I'm like "Omg, omg, we forgot your lesson!" Aziza's piano teacher literally lives down the street from us, where she used to live pretty far into Apalachin, so it has been a real breeze for me. I run check my phone and there is her text: "So tonight's obviously a no go for piano :p. Everything alright?" I felt so bad. She is the sweetest person and Aziza has learned so much from her in just a year.
Of course I was crazy apologetic and of course she was like, "It's okay, it happens!" This did not make me feel any better, unfortunately. So glad we worked it out and then rescheduled for Friday (yesterday) at 4pm. I figured that's perfect. Aziza gets home at 3;30 and she can just walk right over there... literally less than a 5 minute walk. It's about 3:54 yesterday and I'm at my desk at work packing up, getting ready to go home and Aziza calls. She says, "Do I have a piano lesson today?" I'm like "Yes! Hurry up, get over there!" And then I realize I forgot to leave her a check to give Katie. I think to myself: Well done, Heather. I text Katie and tell her Aziza is coming over right now but I'll get the check to her later on (we owed her still from last week when Aziza canceled at the last minute). She says it's no problem. I rush home, hoping to get there by 4:30 and meet Aziza coming out so she can run back inside and give Katie the check. Stupid Friday night traffic prevails - of course - but I get there at like 4:29. Can I tell you I literally sat in the car and waited until 4:45 for Aziza to come out. They were watching the marching band video from the state championships from the week before - 2nd in the state! Okay, fine, I get that, but I rushed, I stressed over nothing. I could have even stopped somewhere, as I always have some errand to run after work, but I couldn't think of a thing except wanting to get home with the check.
Did I fail to mention that I'm working at this new job that has me on the phone all day interviewing people? And that I am in the last 7 weeks of my final 4 courses at Delhi University before graduating? I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'll be sitting and typing a paper or typing this right now, and I'll suddenly forget how to spell a word I've known since probably 4th grade. I'm in dire need of a vacation - far away from my life!!!
Of course I was crazy apologetic and of course she was like, "It's okay, it happens!" This did not make me feel any better, unfortunately. So glad we worked it out and then rescheduled for Friday (yesterday) at 4pm. I figured that's perfect. Aziza gets home at 3;30 and she can just walk right over there... literally less than a 5 minute walk. It's about 3:54 yesterday and I'm at my desk at work packing up, getting ready to go home and Aziza calls. She says, "Do I have a piano lesson today?" I'm like "Yes! Hurry up, get over there!" And then I realize I forgot to leave her a check to give Katie. I think to myself: Well done, Heather. I text Katie and tell her Aziza is coming over right now but I'll get the check to her later on (we owed her still from last week when Aziza canceled at the last minute). She says it's no problem. I rush home, hoping to get there by 4:30 and meet Aziza coming out so she can run back inside and give Katie the check. Stupid Friday night traffic prevails - of course - but I get there at like 4:29. Can I tell you I literally sat in the car and waited until 4:45 for Aziza to come out. They were watching the marching band video from the state championships from the week before - 2nd in the state! Okay, fine, I get that, but I rushed, I stressed over nothing. I could have even stopped somewhere, as I always have some errand to run after work, but I couldn't think of a thing except wanting to get home with the check.
Did I fail to mention that I'm working at this new job that has me on the phone all day interviewing people? And that I am in the last 7 weeks of my final 4 courses at Delhi University before graduating? I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'll be sitting and typing a paper or typing this right now, and I'll suddenly forget how to spell a word I've known since probably 4th grade. I'm in dire need of a vacation - far away from my life!!!
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